Nearly 30 ago, I stopped doing the thing I loved the most—singing. I let it go one bleak afternoon while pulled over on the side of the road in my old beat-up Toyota. Tears streaming down my face, I was convinced I just wasn’t good enough to keep going. I’d poured everything into my cabaret career, having sung in the nightclubs of New York and Los Angeles for 12 years. You can imagine how crushing and catastrophic this decision was for me. Yet I was done. The night before I’d auditioned at a jazz club when the owner–a man I’d never met before, thought he’d set me straight. Maybe he was trying to help. Maybe he was masochistic, who knows? But he looked me dead in the eyes, and said point blank that I just wasn’t good enough to make it.
So I quit.
Just like that, I gave my power to a stranger and allowed his overly-simplistic assessment of my talent (or lack thereof) to define my life moving forward.
I suppose if I hadn’t already been harboring his negative opinion of myself deep down, I might have shrugged it off. But in saying it out loud, he validated my worst fear. For decades after, my love for singing sat dormant like a knot in the center of my solar plexus. Every once in a while I’d get up and croon a standard or two. Yet when encouraged to sing more often, I found a way to busy myself with work. Life took a different direction as I became an author and teacher of transformation; a deeply fulfilling career.
But still, there was a sorrow in my soul where my music had once been.
My rebirth came when I met my muses, Isaac and Thorald Koren, nearly six years ago. They wouldn’t stand for me not singing, particularly when they learned of my rich history in the nightclubs of Manhattan. Their relentless belief in me gave me the courage to reclaim music, and together we made a 7 song CD that reflected my teachings on love, 5 of which were originals.
The first song we co-wrote was:
I KNOW
By Katherine Woodward Thomas,
Isaac Koren & Thorald Koren
When you said you’d always be there,
I assumed that it was true.
As you walk out now I’m having
just the strangest déjà vu, coming to.
And now it’s happening again,
and something that I counted on,
Solid ground now
disappearing down the drain.
And I think I’m going mad
Sittin’ on the heap with Job
Blessing God
for takin’ everything I had.
CHORUS
And I know
Into every life must fall
A little bit of pouring rain
A little bit of ball and chain
And I know…
Now it’s up to me to find
the beauty and the golden good,
the healing of my childhood.
There are days I seem to go through
when the bottom drops so deep.
And the downpour almost drowns me,
and the mountain’s out of reach, such a breach.
But I remember what we came here for and
Prayin’ for a higher plan
Wake me up to wisdom at the very core
Just when I thought it was the ending of
and I’d taken all that I could take
suddenly, I’m swimmin’ in a sea of love.
CHORUS
We named the CD, Lucky in Love, and do you know that when it was released, it not only went to #1 on the iTune Jazz charts, but it also hit the Billboard charts? Which is kind of a big deal, if you’re into that sort of thing. Which, of course, I am. Billboard had never heard of me and called to say, “Um, congratulations, you made the list, but who are you again?”
It was a moment.
The cost of allowing these untrue identity-based beliefs to squelch our gifts is so great. Imagine who we’d be without them. Seriously. That’s an invitation. Take 3 minutes right now to close your eyes and imagine yourself free of the “I’m all alone,” or “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m not safe,” story that’s been sitting on your stars and stealing joy from your life. What does it look like, feel like, sound like, smell like, taste like to be living from the truth of your worthiness, value and power?
Delight in the expansion of it!
I’ve learned to love the parts of me that can so suddenly collapse into an old, untrue story. Yet under no circumstance will I ever again allow the part of me that believes herself unworthy to sing her own song, to make my decisions for me.
Inside of my commitment to live from truth, and not old trauma, I’m working on my next cabaret show—my first in over 30 years, which will debut next summer in Manhattan.
Stay tuned and hope to see you there!
Comments
I love this album. So authentic. So lovely.
Thank you Joan! Big hug to you.
Thank you dear Katherine your beautiful letter just popped up in my mail this evening.It is a joy to read it and I’m so glad you have such a wonderful support team who have brought your dreams to life
At the age of 70 this year I had my poetry book published on Amazon kindle with the help of a kind friend & I understand how it feels to have your gift blocked by unfair judgements.
I believe now that one must sing One’s song and the universe will do the rest.
Affectionately
Jita
Hi Jita, Oh, your response gave me chills.
Please share the title of your book. I’d love to see it.
So proud of you to have found your own song.
YES!
Warmly, Katherine
Dear Katherine
Thank you for your sweet reply
This is the link to my ebook on Amazon Kindle
for theUS.Hope you enjoy it
https://a.co/d/5qTsQ5E
Love&Light
Jita
It’s called Jita’s Jottings
I’ve purchased your lovely book, Jita.
It’s beautiful work! I especially love that you wrote it to lift people’s hearts and spirits.
Thanks for letting us know about it.
Much love,
Katherine
Thank You Katherine I feel blessed
Love &Light
Jita
Dear Katherine
Every evening I open my poems at random and read one jot
Tonight I read number 43 & i felt all those like us who have
Re-awakened to our authentic selves again, & gradually found our own tribe
will resonate .
Love and Light
Jita
Hi Katherine. I can barely contain my excitement to come and see your Cabaret show next summer in Manhattan. Kate and I will be in the front row cheering for you as loudly as we can xoxo
I love this, count me in!!
Awesome!!! Thank you. ❤️
No think/nothing beats sharing from one’s own life: I never grow tired of hearing how someone discovers their own blind spots and creates something new and rich from the enquiry. Thank you Katherine for always being an example of what you speak and sharing from having lived the roots of and creating new possibilities. Awesomely applicable.
Ahhhh, thank you Suz. So happy to hear your kind comments.
Warmly,
Katherine
Woops! Typo….;) NO THING….not no think…and yes, I did not THINK to check it over!
How beautiful your journey back to singing. What a treat to hear your beautiful voice and this deep, meaningful song. I’m going to hop on to listen to the whole album. You are an inspirational teacher. Thank you for all the light you bring into the world. Congratulations!
Thanks Rosa! That means a lot to me. 🙂
Warmly,
Katherine
Fabulous Katherine, you are inspiring in so many ways. I have a voice telling me not sing – tbh, the world owes me gratitude for listening to it. x
Hi Peter, My friends, Isaac and Thorald Koren have a free summit happening right now that I’m promoting in the newsletter. You may want to join in the fun. They’re such an inspiration for those of us who have somehow managed to lodge shyness in our throats! I bet you have a unique sound that is worthy of being heard! 🙂
Warmly,
Katherine
Thank you. I just needed to hear this.
Ohhhh, I love it when that happens. Life can be so kind in this way.
Warmly,
Katherine
I love this, count me in!!
Thanks Jessica! Looking forward to seeing you. 🙂
Warmly,
Katherine
Hello Katherine,
I’m really touched to hear the story behind it, your album gave me so much strenght and faith to get trough a difficult breakup (I listened to it days in a row at that time 🙂 and so happy for your cabaret show! I regret that I won’t be able to see it as I live in France…unless there will be a tour to Europe someday!
Now that’s a great idea, Ana! LOL. Thanks for planting that seed in my consciousness. I’m grateful to hear that the CD was healing to your heart.
Much love,
Katherine